Love Stories and other things

Serving up wisdom, one couple at a time

After officiating more than 300 weddings and listening to a whole lot of couples figure things out in real time, I’ve learned a few things about what keeps a relationship going strong. The big secret? It is not magic. It is daily decisions. These five marriage truths show up in every lasting relationship I’ve seen, and I’m including three simple things you can actually do to make each one work in real life.

People Change. A Lot.

No matter how long you have been together, your partner is going to evolve. So are you. Life does that. Interests shift, personalities deepen, and what someone needs at 25 might be completely different by 40. That does not mean something is wrong. It means you are both alive. The trick is to grow together instead of growing apart.

Try this:

• Set up a monthly “life check-in” where you ask each other, “What’s new for you lately?”
• Support their new interests, even if you do not share them. Ask questions and show up when you can.
• Read a book or take a class together once a year. Learn something new side by side.

Conflict Is Normal.

If you never argue, someone is probably holding back. Conflict is not the enemy. Disrespect is. Learning how to have tough conversations without turning them into fights is one of the best skills you can build as a couple. Arguments will happen. The question is, can you handle them like teammates instead of opponents?

Try this:

• Practice using a softer start when bringing up issues. Try “I feel…” instead of “You always…”
• When you disagree, pause and ask, “What do you need right now from me?”
• Create a signal you can both use when a conversation needs to pause and cool off.

Emotional Intimacy Is the Glue.

Physical chemistry is fun, but it will not carry you through a decade of bills, in-laws, and shared grocery lists. Emotional connection is what keeps you bonded in the long run. That closeness gets built through intentional, often small, moments of checking in, being honest, and showing up.

Try this:

• Do a weekly “high and low” where you each share the best and hardest part of your week.
• Ask questions that go beyond daily logistics. Try, “What’s something you’re hoping for this year?”
• Make eye contact. It sounds small, but giving your full attention for just one minute can deepen intimacy.

Time Apart Is Healthy.

A strong couple is made of two strong individuals. Spending every second together might sound romantic, but let’s be honest—it gets weird fast. You both need time to recharge, explore interests, and maintain your own identity. That space makes the time together even better.

Try this:

• Choose one night a week to do your own thing. No guilt, no pressure, just breathing room.
• Encourage each other to spend time with friends or family separately.
• Talk about what solo activities fill you up, and commit to making time for them.

Lower the Bar on Perfection.

No one marries a flawless person. Real love is built on accepting each other’s quirks, missteps, and weird snack habits. Expecting perfection will only lead to frustration. The good news? You do not need perfection to build something amazing. You just need honesty, patience, and a sense of humor.

Try this:

• Say one thing you appreciate about your partner every day, especially on the hard days.
• Instead of stewing in silence, say, “Can I tell you something I need right now?”
• Laugh together often. Inside jokes, dumb memes, whatever works. Joy is glue.

Want a relationship that lasts? Focus on being kind. Stay curious. Listen more than you talk. And if you ever need someone to help you kick off this journey with the right energy, you know where to find me.

The Dudeist Ministers. Real. Respectful. Ready when you are.